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Below are the 17 most recent journal entries recorded in
bootyhead's LiveJournal:
| Sunday, May 4th, 2008 | | 2:31 pm |
Carolyn
Carolyn's new found charisma and overall good attitude has all been because of her new hand-bling. And not my lack of a mustache.  | | 1:52 pm |
Moar Moar Moar
Carolyn told me to say something about her in this post. I'll just say that she is cute, especially with her awesome ring. I got her a good one, it gives her +5 Dexterity... I'm not sure what that does. Anyway, here's another Hussie rant. "I agree WHOLEHEARTEDLY" Andrew Zimmern needs to stick a sock in his big fat mouth. Or anything, for that matter, just as long as it isn’t some wretched creature’s boiled penis. There are so many shitty shows on TV, I hardly know which one to bother writing about. ESPN’s Algonquin Round Table of dumbassery, “Around the Horn”? Kat Von Dee’s excruciating revolving door of B-list Hollywood cameos and poorly conceived tattoos, “L.A. Ink”? Or maybe 90% of everything on Adult Swim? What about banal, horribly-voiceovered exposés on how candy is made? I’ve reviewed the evidence, and have seen enough. I can safely say the Travel Network’s “Bizarre Foods” trumps them all. Andrew Zimmern has kicked Marc Summers off the top of the totem pole, and is noisily defecating on the ex-game show host’s pasty, obsessive-compulsive torso. I wonder who had the idea to air a show about a fat bald guy with no charisma, no sense of humor, reading generic travel brochure copy about the places he visits, while on-camera stuffing unappetizing things into the oily, dexterous orifice in charge of his face. If you think that sounds like an awesome pitch, you might just be Travel Network Executive material. Zimmern’s pliable mouth is an obscene instrument of visual cruelty to his audience. It wraps around its prey, as a cephalopod, in a way, tenderly embraces its nourishment with horrific alien tendrils. Watching this man eat—a proposition comprising the show’s money shots—is very much like beholding Dr. Zoidberg on one of his humorous off-screen gluttonous rampages. But on-screen. And genuinely upsetting rather than humorous. Now that I mention it, Dr. Zoidberg’s profile is an excellent starting point for characterizing Zimmern. Just swap his head for that of an oversized baby, and you’re practically there. They share an insatiable appetite, an undiscriminating palette, gravitate towards generously-fitting fat guy smocks, and ambulate via the fat man’s waddle. They part ways when you consider Zoidberg’s likeability and personal charm. When you need to improve to achieve Zoidberg status, you know you’ve gone astray somewhere. At the very least, it probably means you shouldn’t host a TV show. The existence of this show is odd when you consider the concept had already been executed far more competently on the same network by Tony Bourdain in “No Reservations”. Zimmern’s predecessor, Bourdain manages to wring some genuine entertainment value out of the “eating weird shit” thing, a concept which has bludgeoned American consciousness through reality shows like “Fear Factor”. His show is a more scintillating blend of thoughtful writing, honest culinary criticism, and boozing with the locals. It gives you the sense that this ornery world traveler is temporarily trapped in a third world hellhole, and must endure its limitations, while occasionally delighting in its uncovered jewels. It accomplishes what it attempts to; it successfully promotes the illusion of a mystique to the esoteric. The Travel Network folk obviously think this premise has as many legs as a centipede, one which recently vanished into Zimmern’s greedy boiled-dong chute. I will say this about the guy. He eats a lot of exotic dick. The way he fervently revels in this particular menu item is just one of numerous onscreen clues to his likely flagrant homosexuality. Whether he is closeted, or simply chooses not to make a federal issue over it, I’m not sure. This strikes me as a missed opportunity. He could be “The gay guy who eats weird shit, and is really, really gay.” But he gives us nothing. There’s no hook, nothing to hang our hat on (except a skewered, slow-roasted walrus cock.) The show is infuriatingly boring when it’s not being revolting, and sometimes (ok, most of the time) it manages to be both. He simply has no entertainment instincts. When he narrates, most of the time it sounds like he’s reading from a brochure he found in the hotel lobby that morning. He has no ability to craft or deliver a joke. Everyone he encounters visibly dislikes him, and merely tolerates his presence while on camera. Indigenous folk are perplexed by his requests. “Why does this fat man want me to take him into the jungle to kill a monkey?” Good question, Pak Bong. He pretends to like everything he eats. After sampling a strange meat, he tips his head back and revels in orgiastic gratification far too often to be credible. We humor him as he manages to divine the subtle flavor differences between llama wang and alpaca wang. His chewing noises are repellent, and the tight shots of his busily twitching, fat-stained mouth share a rung on the moral ladder with child pornography. | | Monday, December 24th, 2007 | | 1:39 pm |
Smell Those Yule Logs
Ah, Christmas. Jesus Christ, this week has been near intolerable. Bugs has been good though. I got her Star Wars posters to fancy up her room. This year's big thing is a suit. A form-fitted suit. We're talkin' SWANK. Speaking of tailored clothing. Whats with tailoring being so expensive, rare, and seemingly worthless. But its not worthless! A tailored hand-made shirt lasts FOREVER! FOREVER! FFFFOOOOORRREEE- EEEVVVV- EERRRRRR! lets all learn how to make clothes... And rocket ships. Me and Matt need to put the band back together. Maybe we should book at Otto's. That way, when we suck, we'll be beaten to death. Merry Christmas! Happy Holidays For those that are Jewish, Muslim, Scietologists, Kwanzaneese | | Tuesday, November 27th, 2007 | | 12:40 pm |
I told you. You did't listen.
The new Futurama movie will be coming out soon. Since I'm a Hollywood Exec. of sorts I get to view the screenings beforehand on my computer. I am posting this article as a warning. THE "FUTURAMA MOVIE: BENDER'S BIG SCORE" IS A STEAMING BOWL OF ELEPHANT PISS. Of course, that won't stop you from seeing this movie. You love Futurama. You've been waiting so long to see the next installment of their tiddlywinks. Remember when Spiderman 3 was going to come out? Who DIDN'T see that movie. But remember, while watching it, realizing that you were watching a bad movie? That all you had known to love from the previous entries is being shattered right in front of your face? It happened with X-men and Matrix. Even Family Guy was a treat back when it started, now the new wave of episodes are just hard to swallow. So what, exactly, is so bad about the new Futurama? Remember when the HIPNO-TOAD was introduced? Hilarious. Remember when Fry moved the stars to tell Leila he loved her, only to have them destroyed? Depressing (in a good way). Remember when the dog died? Remember when Bender told his Ho,"Shuddup baby, I know"? Those are all main story plots, emphasis, or quick jolts of humor that stick with us and soon find a place in our own dialouge. The movie took ALL that we loved from the shows and danced them in front of our faces, either re-instating the joke, or calling to attention to a character that isn't doing anything funny. HERE COMES THE LIST! EVERY CHARACTER is in this movie. EVERY CHARACTER is out of character. They go so far as to actually show the Hanuka Zombie, rather than reference him in smalltalk. There is SINGING. For Futurama, singing was a weaker part of the show, but I dind't mind due to the scarce usage. But the movie has 2 SONGS. 2 VERY LONG SONGS. The sining, the enthusiasm, the humor, its all bad. Shifting in your seat while looking at others around you, bad. NO RESOLUTION OR CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT. In other words, NOTHING HAPPENS.(which brings me to my next point) I DON'T KNOW/CARE WHAT HAPPENED. Not only was the movie not funny, it didn't make sense! I can follow a time travel movie where you have to keep up with characters of different times and multiple story lines, but this movie asked for the impossible. They drag you through 90 minutes of shallow, empty humor bringing you back and forth between the years 2000 and 3000, having multiple Benders and Fries. Strange, I could swear this was strikingly similar to several episodes of the show... THE GUY THAT LIELA IS DATING IN THE MOVIE TURNS OUT TO BE FRY. Whoops... That was more of a spoiler than anything... Sorry. I'll make it up with the next one. THEY ALL GET NAKED. Kinda... not really. Its just another re-hashed joke. I WAS FULLY ABLE TO TALK/MAKE-FUN OF THE MOVIE WHILE IT WAS GOING ON. You' would think that while watching a NEW FUTURAMA! Everyone around you would/should/better fucking keep their mouths shut! But no... Openly taunt this movie, its easy. So in light of this "money grabbing FOX frenzy" Futurama movie, its clear whats going on. This movie was "written" by an uncreative group of people with the sole intention of grabbing a butt-load of money by releasing an episode of FUTURAMA on DVD so ALL THE FANS of the show will buy it, and they will. The creators of this movie have no intention of creating NEW adventures for the characters, instead they are forced to conserve the characters and keep them on the path they have already set. Every catch phrase and lovable character is in this movie. But they are out of place. I fear the new series that will spawn from this will undoubtedly suck and FOX will wonder WHY? One more thing. To those that I've already said that this movie will suck,"I told you so." As well as Spiderman and X-men 3. I told you. But I'm stepping up now and saying this... BATMAN: THE DARK KNIGHT will suck. I hope to be proven wrong. Current Mood:  pissed off | | Thursday, October 25th, 2007 | | 12:49 pm |
Andrew Hussie
I’m really tired of technology in movies. I just don’t want to see it anymore. Any of it. No more retinal scanners, no more cutting edge handheld computers, no more floating holographic displays. I am this fucking close to drawing the line at buttons on shirts. Are we still supposed to be impressed by any of this shit? When the 5 star general escorts the bewildered protagonist down to the level 10 clearance sub-sub-sub basement of the secure military compound, and presses his palm against a sophisticated fingerprint scanning panel with all sorts of green lasers making “sweeps”, followed by the traditional female robot voice’s soothing assurance, “Welcome, General Bramblefuck”, am I really supposed to be dazzled by the brave fantasyscape dared to be dreamed by this writer? I guess a reaction courteous to the film’s creators would be something like, “Wow, this bewildered protagonist sure is getting up to his neck in some seriously secretive shit! Did you see those green lasers? I wonder if the real government has something like that.” Then after a bland rumination over a buttery fistful of popcorn, one concludes, “Nah, probably not. That shit is just too incredible!” [More:] I guess that’s what I hate most about cinematic techo-horseshit. It’s always offered up with a smug directorial presumption that it’s going to blow our fucking minds. When the futuristic field agent, bristling with confidence, strides into the central command and begins a graceful yet emphatic ballet with the holographic control panel, his confidence is really a thinly masked projection of the filmmaker’s confidence that this technological spectacle is going to knock all our goddamn socks off. The preceding example occurs in (but is in no way limited to) Spielberg’s Minority Report, in which Tom Cruise enthusiastically shills for Spielberg’s vision of the future in the way only he can (or that is, “he only can”, by playing the only character he is capable of playing). But tickling our moron-bone with silly movie technology is really right up Spielberg’s alley as a director, since every directorial flourish he uses tends to be a cheesy and blatant way of aggrandizing his vision. Every time you sit down to a Spielberg film, his ghost is essentially sitting next to you and whispering into your ear, “If you are not in love with my vision, you have no soul!” Actually, Minority Report was a pretty good movie, though mostly in spite of the AmAzInG tEcHnOlOgY!!! It had a good story and was entertaining, and even though Spielberg’s shit is cheesy, at least it is very cinematically effective cheese. This stands in contrast to a thematically similar film, Denzel Washington’s Déjà Vu, which was unspeakably horrible because of the technology. In this film, Denzel, who is a good actor (who also always plays the same character), somehow fails at what I would assume to be a very easy acting task of behaving incredulously at all the tremendously stupid technology surrounding him. By the point in the film where he strips down to his underwear and squeezes into the tiny cube to go back in time to fight crime, you begin to realize this movie makes Hackers from 1995 look like a CIA computer intelligence training video. I guess rotating holographic displays and hand/face/retina/DNA scanning technology would be more astounding to us if we hadn’t seen it a thousand times already on shitty Sci-Fi channel pilots alone. It also doesn’t help matters much when real technology creeps up, often rapidly, on what was recently projected in films as outrageously cool stuff. It wasn’t that long ago that communication headsets were presented as cutting edge accessories, particularly for villains. A guy with a headset was hooked the fuck up. He was wired, in his element. He’s got his hands free to do badass stuff like put them in his pockets, stroll about more decisively, operate firearms, and punch key codes into laptops while climbing into helicopters and pressing his palms against green laser scanners. The villain always has access to the BEST technology and runs his operation like fucking CLOCKWORK. Why would he spare the expense of manually holding a telephone? Then, gradually, everyone in the world started using cell phone headsets. They became relegated to the mundane. The headset “wow-factor” (which was always fictitious anyway) disappeared, but you will note, the headsets did not. The accessory became ossified as villainhood cliché. As with all clichés, it’s lazily resorted to as something which is supposed to evoke a whole catalogue of hamfisted purposes, for characterization, plot, etc. You see a guy with a headset in a movie, you KNOW he’s got his shit together. That was one of the writer’s original notes about the character: “has shit together”. And his thought process followed roughly, “Hmm, would a guy who has his shit together hold a phone manually? … hmm… Hell no!” It’s a cliché meant to evoke that the same way a holographic display is meant to evoke “this will impress the fuck out of the audience, and convince them beyond a shadow of a doubt that they are indeed peering through my wondrous looking glass into the future!” YAAAAWN. Of course, the 800 pound holographically-projected gorilla here is computers in movies. If stupid movie technology is a deadly, catastrophic train wreck, then computers are the guy who runs up behind the reporter covering the story for local news and exposes his dick to the camera. The nonsense about computers is so shameless and flagrant, there isn’t a computer dullard alive who would believe the performance of any of these applications is legitimate. When was the last time you were downloading something, and the “loading” bar made little chirping noises as it filled? When was the last time you got an email, and without doing anything, it spontaneously opened on your screen (to the tune of another ludicrous sound effect)? When was the last time someone wrote you an email non-jokingly in a 500 point font? When was the last time you searched for a file or data or anything, and the result was a window popping up with a huge blinking red ‘X’ going “RRR—RRR—RRR—RRR!” with a message like “Not Found” or “Restricted Access!” There are so many examples, my resolve shrivels at the prospect of making a comprehensive list. There’s a lot of lazy bullshitese about it, too. Things onscreen are always “initializing”, or “uploading”, or “downloading”. Those are really just about the only things a computer can do, it seems. People are constantly uploading downloads onto their PDAs using an uplink, and then funneling data onto their cell phone downlink cards, and then probably back to their PDAs for good measure (as long as they have the encryption keys!!!) None of this takes any time of course. If you want to find some files on a total stranger’s computer, even if you don’t know what you’re looking for (maybe especially), you’ll have them up on the screen within seconds, just in time to uplink the download to your initialized PDA uploader and climb out the window before the guy with the headset walks in. If it takes you more than five seconds, you probably have no fingers, are heavily drugged, and are likely some kind of rare marsupial. Even perfectly ordinary characters are capable of these computer feats, but the truth is, most people who use computers in movies are THE BEST! They’re always “calling in someone. He’s the best in the business.” Or, “he programs computers in his mom’s garage. He’s the best there is.” God for-fucking-bid a shitty programmer slip through the editorial cracks and into the screenplay! I guess the rationale is if we, the audience, might be impressed with a REAL computer savant, then we’ll just melt into apeshit heaven when we see they have MADE UP someone who, by their assertion alone, is the FUCKING BEST. Second best, you ask? NO, NICE TRY. And just imagine how tickled we’ll be if this crackerjack turns out to be a hot babe to boot! A girl, good with computers?? Now I’ve seen motherfucking everything! These people have always “seen this system before”. They know it’s “complicated, and virtually uncrackable, but they’ll give it a shot.” They will always “recognize this style of code… Hey, I think that’s the Ivanov algorithm.” They will always perform a job they estimate could take hours in less than 60 seconds. Just once it might be cool to see someone with a more realistic skill set try to crack something. “Ok, booting up. This should take four or five minutes.” They wait patiently. “Ok, now what am I looking for? The application to unlock all the doors in the building, and stop the crane before it lowers the explosives? Uh, alright. Does that even exist? This just looks like some guy’s laptop.” The gun-toting protagonist tells him to keep going. He just has a feeling about it. “Alright. Um… is it in here? Nope. Here? Nope. Here? No, that’s just a bunch of digital photos of his kids. I guess I’ll search for it. What do I type? Um… ‘crane’… ‘door… lock… application’?” 10 minutes go by as he executes the futile search. “Wait, is this it? No, that seems to have made the computer crash. I’ll have to restart. I think we might have to try a plan that doesn’t involve computer hacking.” Meanwhile the villain with the headset is laughing his ass off. | | Saturday, March 17th, 2007 | | 3:10 am |
Woo!? Anyone? Woo?
Wow, am I drunk. Sadly John, not AS drunk, but still drunk none the less. We just came from some fuckin bar in downtown SOL Madrid. We played some pool against somguys from Liverpool, as well as the waitstaff. Then, we were joined by girls from Wisconsin. Wisconisin? The fuck is that? I could tell right away they were from NW America, and I found out for sure by asking them. " Hey, Northwest America, Ilinois-sih, right?" "Wisconsin!" "Go fuck yourself" Our last drinkin night in another country. And what do we run into? England and wisconcin. Oh well. At least Im drunk. HUZAA! | | Sunday, March 11th, 2007 | | 5:36 pm |
Spain! (que street fighter music)
So here we go. First couple days here in Spain. So far, a lot of tourist areas, but not so much, figuring the locals use the area as well. Here are some photos of some Universidad area we went to today. big churches. These Spaniards sure like their Jesuses. I went trinket shoping, too. Who wants something from Spain? Other than a miniature Don Quiote. He was expensive. Oh yea. So I found a TRUE HORROR of Spain this morning. turns out, these people arent too big on CEREALS. How can you NOT like cereals!? So, living here would be out of the question, because I loves me some cereals. Milk, too. Milk is hard to come by. No bull fights until the end of this month, and the running of the bulls isnt until July. So, I huess its just bars and clubs for me. Shucks.  church on sunday? get out of here!  suddenly becoming a small girl, I realize life is never truly fulfilled.  I wonder who had to be up there to paint all that. Oh well, at least the birds can apreciate the lovely brush strokes... And correct spelling errors.  Once again, as a little girl, I find myself relieved that cars have DVD players in them, and all my worries of the world are calmed. thats my sister, Rachel. Shes enjoying living here. Oh yea, Spain has BEUTIFUL freakin country-sides. You gotta see them. Oh, so cool. | | Thursday, March 8th, 2007 | | 5:55 pm |
Los Harry Manchestos
Well, I'm off to Spain for the break. Hope you guys get plenty of awesomeness on your week off. And as a small present to fans of Harry manchest...   AWAY! | | Sunday, March 4th, 2007 | | 8:49 pm |
With Death Brings Strength
Today. Today is another day. Another turn of the page. The news seems grim and the images feel appalling. But the faces of the cartoons will forever remain whimsical. But today. Today is not that day. Today the cartoon dies, and the blood of the characters wash over the obituaries. There, in the paper, will be a small notice of departure. An insignificant acknowledgment with means to apologize. There is no apology for murder. With that said. Harry Manchest is to be no longer printed in the Northern Star. I was screwed. I was stabbed in the back. To my fellow friends and readers I would like to thank you for all your support. But I need you all once again, this time, more so. I need you all to stop reading the Northern Star. Do not feast your eyes on the overkill of ads and slanderous opinion pages. Dont force yourself to read the copy and pasted articles of the associated press. However, you should all read the "JAVA" (name pending). We have to start somewhere. A small revolution. ANYONE INTERESTED IN A REVOLUTION!? It can become more than a simple pamphlet, with enough readers, advertisers will want in, the publication will grow stronger. I've wanted nothing more than to give people a reason to laugh, or the others working for the JAVA, a reason to read the news. No more Brittney Spears and Anna Nicole. What about our students? What about our own celebrities that we see each day, those that make us laugh, think, and give us a reason. Thank you all again. And look for the first issue the week after Spring Break. | | Saturday, March 3rd, 2007 | | 8:13 pm |
| | Sunday, February 18th, 2007 | | 11:35 am |
| | Monday, February 12th, 2007 | | 7:11 pm |
| | Friday, February 2nd, 2007 | | 3:45 pm |
| | Monday, August 7th, 2006 | | 12:13 pm |
| | Tuesday, April 4th, 2006 | | 11:29 am |
| | Wednesday, March 1st, 2006 | | 1:52 pm |
Vodka, HEY!
 This was, indeed, another highlight. Boy, howdy, am I great! Current Mood: indescribable | | Friday, February 17th, 2006 | | 8:53 am |
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